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Creative job titles

There once was a smart little girl who went to school, got a job and then decided she’d rather be famous.  She met a man with equally shallow aspirations who helped her reach her goal by being catty and rude and laughing wildly about it on TV.  Like Cher and Madonna, she went on to be known by her first name only and she pedalled her brand in the media.  But nobody knew what she actually did.

Years later, she reconnected with that fame-fueled man and followed him to a big white house where she got an office.  But again, nobody really knew what it was she did for her $180,000 per year paycheque.

Then one day, Omarosa Manigault-Newman was fired.  Or quit, depending on who’s telling the story.  And reporters discussed it for days.  But they still didn’t really know what she did.

Most of us who work have a job title of some kind.  Of course, political correctness has changed some of them over the years.  Janitors became Custodial Engineers.  Airline Stewardess became Flight Attendant.  Bartender became Mixologist.

Historically, Town Crier is probably the most insulting until you realize what the job actually entailed before the onslaught of Twitter.

Furthermore, changes in technology and industry have created new jobs altogether with modern titles that many of us are still learning.  Digital Marketing Managers and Social Media Analysts were created as people turned to technology-based interactions.  But it’s a slow learning curve and many titles still require explanation.

A popular question of the 90’s surrounded Friends character, Chandler Bing, and what he did for a living.  I watched for ten years and never totally figured it out.  But according to Wikipedia, he was an IT Procurements Manager, specializing in statistical analysis and data reconfiguration.  I still don’t know what that is.

Of course, the entertainment industry is bursting with bizarre jobs titles.  Movie credits read like a second language.  You’ll find names like: grip, dolly grip and key grip; gaffer; foley artist; best boy; child, animal and python wranglers (yes it’s real, no it’s not snakes); and fixer.

Meanwhile, television puts those titles front and centre.  A recent episode of The View featured a Lifestyle Expert.  It sounds like someone who specializes in breathing.

And some people on television are creating job titles to suit their ego.  Recent seasons of The Bachelor and Bachelorette featured individuals who listed their jobs as Twins, Erectile Dysfunction Specialist, Manscaper, Hipster, and Canadian.  (Apparently, it takes a lot of work to be this polite.)

Other shows merrily use whatever job title the person being interviewed wants.  A recent search dug up a Pornography Historian, Smarties Expert, Penguinologist, Paperfolder, Bread Scientist and Cheese Authority.

So I guess it’s no surprise that nobody in the media fully understood what a reality-show personality like Omarosa did at a White House run by another reality-show personality.  Officially, the role of Communications Director for the Office of Public Liaison was created specifically for her.

Or at least, the job title was.